Of Prayers and Writing

Maybe it's because I'm so tired, and overwhelmed with recent events. 

Maybe it's because I ache with pain all over, as I try to keep this migraine from taking over my life for the next few days. 

Maybe it's the constant fighting for rest, the constant on-the-go-don't-stop that we all are living through at the moment. 

I struggle to put any thoughts down on this computer.

I struggle to write anything that makes sense in the slightest. I want to write so bad, to pour my heart and soul back into the poetry. I can't. I can't think properly, for I am in this fog...

~

Music plays through my headphones and I type these words, just trying not lose my sanity. Words are my life. Not many actually understand this. Not unless words are your life, too. And I struggle through the day, reciting Bible verses, trying to comprehend all that is around me. And no words come. Not even a poem. 

I watch children, trying to keep my cool, to not get angry as they gripe and bicker at each other. And it's silly things, like how much sugar goes into the lemonade, or how smooth the "smoothie" is supposed to be. 

How in the world does Jesus keep His cool? 

How is it that we can gripe and bicker at him, end the prayer in His Name, and He doesn't get angry? 

Mt 7:7  "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:"

And we go to Him with all our sufferings, with all our pain. We go to Him, screaming and yelling, asking why; telling Him that this isn't how it is supposed to be. We bicker. We gripe. We complain. And He still lovingly holds us, making beautiful things out of it all. He rocks us back and forth. 

"It'll be okay, Child," He whispers. "Don't fret over this. I've got it under control."

"But why?!" we scream back. "If you're a loving God, then why is this happening?" We fall on our knees, tears streaming out of our eyes. We can't see how this is for the good. for the better. We can't see the bigger picture. 

But you're just a fraction of eternity. What happens now is for a greater picture, something that will soon be set in motion. 

"I do love you," He says back. "I love you so much. That is why this is happening."

We want to believe that so bad, but sometimes it's too hard.

Or is it?

Is it ever too hard? 

No one ever promised believing was easy. 

No one ever said life would be fair.

And, darling, it isn't easy to believe in the invisible. It isn't easy to believe life will never be fair.

But we have to hold onto all this. 

To pray when it is hard. 

To realize God will never get angry at us for complaining to Him, for griping to Him.

He won't ever leave us. And everything has a greater purpose.

He holds us, comforts us through all our hard times. He's even there when it is easy.

For there is one set of footprints, and it isn't yours. It's Jesus', because He is carried you through the hard times.

Hold onto to that hope.

I am.

I've written words.

But now my fingers twitch, wanting to play the ivory and ebony keys.

~Blessings,

Sarah